I grew up in a family of five and I have two older sisters. My childhood was a very pleasant experience and I cannot complain about it. i grew up having the things I needed, but not always having the things I wanted. Although what I had was enough, more than other children could wish for. we All want 'Things' when we are a child. This way I leanrt how to appreciate things in life and I am grateful for that. My parents are hard working people and they always did whatever they could for us. I appreciate this the most.
A whole lot depends on the way you are brought up. I am grateful for the way I was brought up. And of course it's a combination of things how our personality turns out To be later on - a combination of upbringing and our actual being. But yes, the way we are brought up is really important.
Having two older sisters was not always as easy as it sounds. Being the youngest of all, I had to deal with the issue of 'being the youngest therefore being the one who needed to be told what to do'. My sisters liked being bossy over me sometimes which I understand - there is a certain characteristic about the youngest, the middle and the oldest child between siblings, and in my experience it truly manifested. my oldest sister was the bossy one, me being the youngest was the most rebellious one, and my middle sister was sort of a combination of both - the middle child is usually 'the odd-one-out'. Our mom was strict with us, and it is a good thing, especially for later on. I am glad she was that way. If she had been too soft with us, we would have become uncontrollable. it is also about learning the right morals. If we had been spoilt we'd have never learnt how to appreciate properly. I was hell of a rebellious child though. I am naturally very stubborn and headstrong, always wanting my way. I was made to be this way, like you were made to be the way you are for a reason. it is in my frequencies, my energy - a personal trait among many other ones. In my teenage years my mom was losing it with me sometimes because no matter what she didn't allow me to do, I did anyway. but then i had to pay the consequences. When I wanted something, I really wanted it. And that included things such as dying my hair, piercings or moving to London on my own. To this day it's the same, except that now I can let go of any material desire, because at the end of the day it is only material and that desire is temporary. we can only re-evaluate true value and desire once we understand what really matters in life.
I have always known about myself that I was different. And by that I mean way deep inside, sort of a loner, a thinker and a dreamer.
When I was a little kid I was always full of joy, giggling, being sweet and always well behaved (okay, mischievous at times). That sweetness has always stayed in me ever since, but as I grew older, a sense of depth and seriousness developed as well from an early age. I only had a few good friends in school, and never belonged to any groups. I was rather like a mediator - I tried to reassure the 'bullied' ones and I never really interacted with the 'popular' ones. I was just on my own. I have always been that quiet type. For some reason my self-expression, like speaking my mind was always suppressed in my school years. It was done by the other side to make me not be able to communicate or speak up for myself. My throat chakra was blocked. It had also got to do with the lack of self-trust. Certain things like this are set up by the other side to make you be a certain way. The ability to speak up has been suppressed for way too long. That suppressing energy has now slowly been dissipating.
I always felt closer to nature than society or people, somehow it just feels more 'homely'. It doesn't mean I didn't want friends. I had a best friend, and that was enough. I was looking for precious connections, like-mindedness, sharing the deeper and meaningful things. I very much wanted a 'best friend' and I was lucky to have one throughout my primary school years, and the same happened during my high school years. I was never that popular kid in school. I was rather 'neutral'. I never really wanted to be popular, but at times I was wondering why I wasn't. And I kept questioning why I felt distant from others in a way, if I was too serious, or just had a very different personality. I didn't though, because I got on well with almost everyone. But how I was perceived in school made me question a lot about myself, my personality and why I lacked in relationships. I liked being on my own, although it made me feel and be lonely. but that is the way I am. I look for values and depth in people that is hard to find.
ZSUZSANNA TOROK, 29, METAPHYSICAL PRACTITIONER 🦄
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